Age 19, Female
Interviewed February 2022
Hobbies, interests, and/or favorite school subjects:
Drawing, writing, research
Dream job / dream career:
Therapist that works with paraphiliacs
“The worst days will end, the best days will end. Remember that.”
Anything else you’d like to tell us about yourself, to be included in your intro?
I don’t know if I would consider myself “not trans” anymore, but I’m definitely detransitioning.
History with Transition and Detransition
Age when first identified as trans: 9
Age when first started cross-sex hormones: 16
Age of first gender reassignment surgery: 18
First surgery was: Top surgery
Age when stopped identifying as trans: 19
Age when stopped taking cross-sex hormones: 19
Early Life, Gender Identity, and Transition
What were some messages about men and women, or about gender expression and sexuality, that you received in your early life, before identifying as transgender? What were your beliefs about those things?
My mom was very anti-gender separation so I got the message that men and women weren’t much different past physical differences. She and my dad let me play with whatever and whoever I wanted and wear what I wanted.
How did you learn about transgender identity, gender dysphoria, and transition? What do you think drew you to those concepts?
I think maybe Caitlyn Jenner? Or I Am Jazz maybe? I don’t think I was drawn to it, I think I just saw it and said “oh that’s possible”.
What sources (friends, specific websites, specific social media sites, therapists, books, etc) did you rely on the most for information on how a person can figure out if they are transgender? What thoughts, feelings, or internal experiences did these sources say were evidence that a person is trans?
Social media, and therapists. Social media said it was just like feeling weird in your body, therapists used the DSM.
What thoughts, feelings, or internal experiences did you have that you believed were evidence that you were transgender? What do you believe now about the origins of those thoughts and feelings?
I had always wanted to play with boys, when puberty hit I was suicidal over the changes, I hated feminine pronouns and names and people thinking of me as a girl. I don’t feel the same about a lot of it now.
What advice would you give to someone who is starting to wonder whether they are transgender, or starting to wonder whether they should transition?
See a professional who is not a gender therapist before doing anything. I know it’s hard but it’s so worth it.
Therapy Before and During Transition
Did you work with a therapist while considering transition, or during your transition? What are some things the therapist said or did that was helpful, and what was unhelpful? Do you think there is something that a therapist could have said or done that would have led to a better outcome for you?
Yes. I think they could have helped me question my gender and the circumstances in my life a lot more. I think if they had helped me with introspection I think I would have transitioned a lot less.
Did you receive a diagnosis of gender dysphoria, and what was that process like? What beliefs did you have about what your diagnosis meant, and what did your therapist communicate to you about the diagnosis?
Yes. I was in therapy for 4 or 5 years before I did. I thought that’s what made me the “real trans”. Therapist just said “yup you’re trans, this will help with transition”.
What advice would you give to someone with gender dysphoria who is working with a therapist?
Look deeper into who you really wanna be when you’re older and if this could EVER change.
What advice would you give to a therapist who is working with a patient with gender dysphoria?
Help them look into the future and the past. That’s what’s gonna matter, not the present.
When did you first start to question your trans identity or consider detransitioning? What factors do you think led you to no longer identify as trans?
Around late last year. I was beginning to get dysphoric over my top surgery and testosterone changes.
What advice would you give to someone who is starting to wonder whether they should detransition?
Just get off T or E and think on it. Don’t keep going if you’re not sure.
What are some challenges you faced as part of detransitioning, and how did you support yourself in overcoming those challenges? Did you have support from others?
Coming out again, having clinicians take me seriously. I haven’t told a lot of people but the people I care about are happy for me.
What advice would you give to someone who is detransitioning?
Don’t do ANYTHING for anyone else’s happiness. YOURE the one living in your body.
Is there anything especially challenging or rewarding about life as a detransitioned person? How do you support yourself through those challenges, and how do you take advantage of the rewarding aspects, if any?
I’ve been so happy to see my changes reverting! Challenging has been trying to pass as I’d like to, but I’m working on it. Also dysphoria, I’ve been coping with that with art.
What advice would you give to someone who is working on building a good life after detransitioning?
Whatever you need to do to make yourself happier, do it.
Therapy Before, During, and After Detransition
Did you work with a therapist while considering detransition, or during your detransition? What are some things the therapist said or did that was helpful, and what was unhelpful? Do you think there is something that a therapist could have said or done that would have led to a better outcome for you?
No, I was too scared to bring it up.
What advice would you give to someone who is detransitioning, or considering detransitioning, who is working with a therapist?
Be completely honest.
What advice would you give to a therapist who is working with a patient who is detransitioning, or considering detransitioning?
Don’t try and tell us what we want from our body.
Bonus Question: What is your spirit animal?
Probably a cheetah or smth idk