Age 15, Female
United States of America
Interviewed February 2022
Hobbies, interests, and/or favorite school subjects:
Mathematics, philosophy, music
Dream job / dream career:
History with Transition and Detransition
Age when first identified as trans: 11
Age when stopped identifying as trans: 13
Early Life, Gender Identity, and Transition
What were some messages about men and women, or about gender expression and sexuality, that you received in your early life, before identifying as transgender? What were your beliefs about those things?
Both currently and prior to my phase, I held normal beliefs regarding gender: namely, that it is immutable, and dictated by sex. However, when I was of 11 years, people on the internet convinced me that it was possible to change both your sex and your gender; that you can be the opposite sex, even if you neither physically are that sex, nor make any attempt to resemble it; and that being attracted to the opposite sex is “gay” if you think that you are that sex [I am currently a lesbian].
How did you learn about transgender identity, gender dysphoria, and transition? What do you think drew you to those concepts?
The internet, primarily Reddit and Wikipedia. My former “male” identity originated not from the desire to be male, but from the hatred of being female, oft known by the term “internalized misogyny”.
What sources (friends, specific websites, specific social media sites, therapists, books, etc) did you rely on the most for information on how a person can figure out if they are transgender? What thoughts, feelings, or internal experiences did these sources say were evidence that a person is trans?
Reddit, on which many transgenders stated that the mere act of questioning your sexuality or gender, enjoying crossdressing, and being gender non-conforming were definite symptoms of being transgender.
What thoughts, feelings, or internal experiences did you have that you believed were evidence that you were transgender? What do you believe now about the origins of those thoughts and feelings?
Simply wanting to be male; although I had never claimed to have “gender dysphoria” before, once I had begun to think myself transgender, a sense of loathing for my body manifested in me the more delusional I became.
What advice would you give to someone who is starting to wonder whether they are transgender, or starting to wonder whether they should transition?
You are most likely not transgender, and should not transition to any extent whatsoever, especially legally or medically. Should you regret it after you have paid hundreds of dollars for a legal name and gender marker change; and paid thousands more for, as well as damaged your health with, experimental and dangerous hormones, blockers, and surgery, you will find yourself irreversibly damaged, physically and mentally, with the added ordeal of having to transition back to your real gender.
Therapy Before and During Transition
Did you work with a therapist while considering transition, or during your transition? What are some things the therapist said or did that was helpful, and what was unhelpful? Do you think there is something that a therapist could have said or done that would have led to a better outcome for you?
What advice would you give to a therapist who is working with a patient with gender dysphoria?
You should, instead of affirming their supposed identity, find the cause of their dysphoria, which is often personal trauma, or a mental condition.
When did you first start to question your trans identity or consider detransitioning? What factors do you think led you to no longer identify as trans?
Once I was 12, my “male” identity began to die, but I, still afraid of the concept of being female, started to identify as “non-binary”, which was certainly a sign that I was not truly transgender. I began to question if I were, all along, simply a lesbian or bisexual [I, as I have stated prior, am now a lesbian], and eventually forgot about my previous identities. The sole factor that led to my realization that I was not transgender was that I merely never was in the first place.
What advice would you give to someone who is starting to wonder whether they should detransition?
If you feel as if you may not have really been transgender for all this time, or are beginning to resent the physical and mental changes resulting from your physical transition, or people’s perception of you in terms of your gender, you most likely should detransition. That is all that I have decided to say.
What are some challenges you faced as part of detransitioning, and how did you support yourself in overcoming those challenges? Did you have support from others?
Coming to terms with, rather than living in vehement denial of, my state of being female, as well as the rape, abuse, and violence that women and girls have been undeservedly subjected to throughout history, and still continue to face.
What advice would you give to someone who is detransitioning?
Simply ignore those, no matter how manipulative or emotional they may be, who attempt to convince you not to detransition, or that you are still transgender.
Is there anything especially challenging or rewarding about life as a detransitioned person? How do you support yourself through those challenges, and how do you take advantage of the rewarding aspects, if any?
As one who has desisted from identifying as, for only a year, a closeted transgender male, there are no challenges to say, and the sole “reward”, should you even call it that, is having experience of identifying as transgender/non-binary, as well as desisting.
What advice would you give to someone who is working on building a good life after detransitioning?
Hard to say.
Bonus Question: What is your spirit animal?
A butterfly, for I am energetic and live by day, as they do.